Eddie From Ohio

A spider of bungee cords
holds down your life
On the roof of your AMC Rambler
Headin' out west,
to less soiled pastures
Like the fields that you see on the postcards
That say "Wish your were here",
but since you are there
You just take these folks at their word
But when you move there,
there's nobody there
Except a Wal-mart
and three yogurt places

No pain, no problem
Don't need no kick in the rear
No pain over yonder
That means there's no problem here

A network of welcomers
all want your business
Because your new phone number's listed
But they wait to call,
until you have supper
And they even know you by your first name
They say, "Glad that you're here,
now give us your Visa"
You just take these folks at their word
So you unload your problems,
while eating your yogurt
Until you hear a dial tone

No pain, no problem
A mantra that rings in my ear
No pain over yonder
That means there's no problem here

A lifetime of bungles,
a trophy for spelling
Some art that blew up in the kiln
It's glued back together
with Elmer's and tears
It holds pencils
and looks like your uncle
A yearbook from 8th grade,
and your old retainer
And a slide whistle
shaped like an ostrich
And a thousand odd notes
that share the same box
All spill out like guts on the highway

You'd think that the sound
of chord modulation
Creates this illusion of hope
The end must be happy,
the end must be near
But that's not the case we have here

Sometimes we change,
sometimes we don't
Where there's a will, there's a won't
So let's have three cheers for our status quo...

No pain, no problem
We need to work on our cheer
No pain left to ponder
That means there's no problem here
That means there's no problem here

No pain, no problem

(Clem, J Fish Music/ASCAP)

2004