Eddie From Ohio

Eddie is a nightclub owner, owns the northern
half of the town
he can't see his toes past his belly, whenever
he looks down
but underneath his belly is a turquoise belt
drives the women wild, it makes me melt
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, you're lookin fine

Eddie is my secret lover, although it's known
through half of the town
we wine & dine at Howard Johnson's, when the
club shuts down
and underneath his hairpiece is a clever mind
he balances his wife and a concubine
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, I wish you were mine

But all's not fair in love & war and life as
Eddie's concubine
I refuse to take much more below the Mason Dixon line
They say for richer and for poorer but what of
Eddie's concubine
We gets the scraps upon the floor below the Mason Dixon line…
Eddie's concubine

Eddie makes his wife work afternoons
& gives me the evening shifts
Eddie breaks up fights at the changing of the guard
whenever we have our rifts
and underneath is polyknit- a heart to match
it never wrinkles in the wash- he's such a catch-
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, I wish you were mine

Eddie makes a pretty good living, stealing from
the college bands
Eddie pulls locals with the Skynyrd groups,
but only serves the beer in cans
Underneath his belt is a bribe for the cops
He'll only hire girls if they take off their tops-
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, your wife's on the line

I swear I'm walking out the door
if I remain his concubine
I don't think I can take much more below the Mason Dixon line
But alimony keeps you poor below the Mason Dixon line
We'll feast upon the fatted boar
if I remain his concubine…remain his concubine

Eddie (eddie) Eddie (eddie) Eddie says to lose some weight
Eddie (eddie) Eddie (eddie) then he'll set a wedding date
Eddie (eddie) Eddie (eddie) Eddie wrote a promissory note
Eddie (eddie) Eddie (eddie) Eddie said he'd buy me a boat

This boat has nothing fun on board for me,
the first mate concubine
For Valentine's I got an oar
while he controls his fishing line
I'm feeling cheated and ignored
it's me I'm Eddie's concubine
and Jenny Craig is such a chore
to rid myself of this waist line…
but I'm his concubine

Eddie is a nightclub owner, a man who runs a double life
He says that when he sells his business,
he promises he'll leave his wife
but underneath his promise, he means later than sooner
he just bought his wife a 32-foot schooner
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, that should've been mine

Eddie is a big fat liar, lying like a bearskin rug
Eddie took all his money to retire, I only got a Ziggy mug
underneath my jacket is a loaded gun
I think I'll just point and watch the piggy run.
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, spare me your line

I'm out of here I'm out the door,
I'm through being his concubine
I've got the Chevy four by four,
and I can tow a boat just fine
I'm driving East toward the shore,
I'll trace the Mason Dixon line
I'm no loser I'm no whore
I'm through being his concubine…I'm not his concubine
I'm not his concubine (She's not his concubine)

Michael Clem, J Fish Music/ASCAP

© 1999