Eddie From Ohio

Well, we're making conversation
it's one-way communication
as you chat next to the side of me
And I'm working on a theory
that your thick barrage of queries
makes me wish for a lobotomy
And I have a deep suspicion
that your constant repetition
means you have no working memory
And I know I'm not much better
but I wish I were unfettered
cuz I need to have variety

and then somebody drives up the sidewalk
the car heads straight at me
I would only welcome a collision
if it just would break monotony
(just break monotony) monotony
(if it just would break monotony)

Well, we're glaring at the tv
and it's Regis and Kathy Lee
They're a foghorn and a smiley face
But today's a boring panel
so we go and switch the channel
and we're calling this a change of pace
well then there's Oprah & there's Liza
and Sally Jesse Raphael
who are crying and berating men
there's The View and good old Rosie
who are gossipy and nosy
and they laugh at the expense of men

and if someone would fire a missile
and aim it straight at me
I would only welcome detonation
if it just would break monotony
(just break monotony) monotony
(if it just would break monotony)

Well my job's a cracker-salter
I work hard and never falter
as they come down the conveyor line
Those crackers I do salt them
but my bosses I must fault them
'cause they never pay me overtime
And it's cracker after cracker
heading toward the cracker stacker
I take caffeine pills so I never tire
it's like sorting daily mail
where there's never room to fail
and one day I think I'll open fire.

Don't you know that it's the same job,
same home,
same red welcome mat
and then there is the treadmill rusting in
the space it's at
It's where I hang coat and hat
that's probably why I'm still fat

We eat only meat and taters
and we undertip our waiters
for dessert we share a derby pie
then we rent a motion picture
and become a sofa fixture
I say the film's okay but I lie
our life seems to be modeled
after prose on shampoo bottles
where they say to lather, rinse and repeat
well we're latherin and rinsin
and for me it is convincin
that I'm getting much to tired to repeat

and oh thank goodness here comes the chorus
a varied melody
I would only welcome variation
if it just could break monotony
(let's break monotony) monotony
(if we just could break monotony)

Michael Clem, J Fish Music/ASCAP

© 2001